Let me tell you something, kid. Life ain’t life on the street. It’s something else, man. Homelessness casts a deep scar in a person’s heart. In my case, it pierced my mozzarella. I’ve had so many adventures on the street, I feel really old and weak. A Pizza doesn’t last forever, you know. But I try to build up some energy. It takes the wind out of me.
Anyway, Once I got thrown out on the street, it was like surviving every second was a challenge. In the early days I couldn’t take the heat. So I would be the timid little Pizza Slice lying around under a dark bench. That’s all I did for a while. Too scared to step out in that crazy world. It’s difficult for a young, lonely slice out there. Lots of miscreants. It gets on your nerves sometimes. To be hidden. But then one day, I decided to step out and smell the air. It smelled weird. Kind of like unwashed hands.
So I called that street the ‘Unwashed Hand’ street. I’m sure you must’ve heard of it. It became popular because of a local politician. God damn politicians, man. They just keep coming with their empty words. I’m telling you, if a young pizza slice can’t roam the street without fear, something is fucked up in the system.
Anyway, my status as the ‘vague-rant’ pizza grew. Because I was aloof, people started fearing me. Maybe it was the chili flakes spread across my body that intimidated people. They knew that any slice that can take that kind of chili is someone to be reckoned with. But then one day, my popularity grew beyond bounds. Even to places I wouldn’t want it to. Kimbo Slice, the late street fighter challenged me to a fight. He heard of a tough Slice in the neighborhood. Well, I was never taught to run from a fight, but I gotta say, I was petrified.
Ah, it’s too late now. I’ll tell you about the fight some other time. Even a badass Pizza needs some rest. Ketchup with you later. Sorry, I meant Catch Up. Puns are for nerds. And this slice ain’t no fucking nerd.