Me: You look like a very fascinating man. 

Him: Thanks man. I’m actually your great great great grandfather. 

Me: For real? 

Him: Mmm-Hmm.

Me: But that’s not possible. You have a beard. I’ve never been able to grow one. If I was your descendant then you wouldn’t be able to grow one either. 

Him: …

Me: Also, you should be dead. 

Him: I was actually adopted. And I live in your brain now. Because you watch a lot of porn. And there was no porn in my time. 

Me: Hey man, that’s not cool. 

Him: Fuck you! What you gonna do about it? 

Me: I can’t really do anything. 

Him: Hahaha, yeah. You can’t even grow a beard. Fucking Faggot. 

Me: At least I’m not adopted. 

Him: You shouldn’t speak to your elders like that. 

Me: Sorry.

Him: Hah, fucking loser! I fought the British! 

Me: No, you didn’t. 

Him: You can’t grow a beard. 

Me: What’s your name? 

Him: Beardo. 

Below is a file photo of Mr. Beardo.