I fart a lot. I don’t care if I’m immature but I find it funny. But I do wish that it wasn’t something that I liked so much. It just ruins everyone else’s mood. 

I wish I did not hate on so many things. Seriously. My life would be so much better if I was positive about things but I just can’t do that. I don’t know what it is but I can’t help but see the downside in things. I don’t appreciate a lot of things that others seem to love. But I’m sorry. I really can’t help it. 

I wish I was a little more Stupid. Louis C.K once said this and it really resonated with me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m a pretty stupid guy and it’s very easy to bother me. But I wish I was slightly more stupid. To the level that I did not have any ambition or goal in life. Because then I would have instant gratification with everything in life. Who knows? I could’ve had so many more followers on instagram. And that would have been enough to keep me happy. I hate myself for having real goals. 

I hate myself for being attached to some material possessions in spite of knowing that they don’t matter at all. Like my PS4. I really love the thing and I hate myself for that. I know you’re going to say “Oh, but it’s not such a bad thing to be attached to”. Fuck you. It is. It’s pathetic that I spent thousands of my family money on a device that needs me to spend another couple thousand bucks on games just so that I can use that device. 

I hate myself for not working out AT ALL. Seriously, I’m in pathetic shape and I’m in my early 20’s. I used to be kind of skinny. And now I’m putting on weight every day by eating unhealthy, albeit tasty, junk food that is seriously ruining me. Maybe this is why I fart a lot. Shit. 

I hate myself for having unrealistic dreams, only to be reminded by the pessimist in me that they are probably never going to come true. Even though I’m usually able to keep my expectations low, I hate that I have to deal with high hopes at all. 

I hate myself for trying to be a writer/film maker specifically. Most of these problems arise from this. 

I hate myself not being able to handle my emotions well enough. 

I hate myself for not caring about a lot of things that I should care about. And also for being selfish and only caring about myself. It makes me very cold inside and I realize that. I’m not able to sympathize with a lot of things. And I know modern day pop culture (Sherlock, Frank Underwood) have made it seem cool to not being able to sympathize with things. But sometimes when I really don’t care for things that I should care for, it makes me feel horrible inside. It’s probably some sort of sickness. 

I hate myself for believing in my opinions strongly enough to defend/express them on social media. Like Atheism. It’s pretty lame that I argue about these things online. 

I hate myself for hating on myself. Seriously man, self deprecation is a bitch! It kills you inside. 

P.S – Some recent posts of mine make people think, especially on facebook, that the things I write on my blog apply to everyone. This is my personal truth. I don’t care if you find this relate able or think that I’m bitching about things that everyone deals with. I REALLY DON’T CARE. These are just things that I hate about myself. They don’t have to apply to you. Don’t get your life in a twist over someone else’s blog posts. I also don’t want/care for your sympathy. This is not one of those things where someone ugly puts up a photo saying “look, I’m so ugly”, only to have people comment “You’re beautiful!”. I don’t want that if at all you were planning to do that. Just don’t. Read and move on. 

 

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