The following is part 2 of an ongoing short story. Read Part one for context.
This short story may or may not be based on true events.
So I walked. I walked the way only a hopeful man does. My stomach was giddy. I felt hungry and wanted to eat some of that bread. I also wanted that milkshake which was making my palm just a little bit colder. But I did not do that. Because I knew the Toeman wouldn’t like it. He was a man of very specific needs. And this was one of them. The Bread and Milkshake were his property and I didn’t want to jeopardize my chances of learning all the Fart secrets.
I was brimming with excitement as I made my way to The Toeman’s house. I rang the bell to his apartment. I waited patiently. I was anxious. You see, I had never met anyone who had seen the inside of The Toeman’s house. This excitement was killing me. Finally, I could hear the unique sound of the nails chipping, ever so slightly. I knew the Toeman was about to open the door. He slammed it open and said “HI FRIEND! YOU WANNA PLAY?”. The Toeman could only talk in capitals. It was one of his many innocent charms. “Yes, Yes I do.” I replied confidently as he led me inside.
The house was as exquisite as I imagined. It seemed like The Toeman had spent every last dime on this house. It looked cleaner than my tissue paper. And boy do I keep my tissue papers clean. He took the bread and milkshake from my hand and smelled both the items. It seemed like he wasn’t satisfied with the milkshake. He spilled the milkshake all around the house and started devouring the bread. Some of the milkshake fell on my lips. I quickly licked it. It tasted good. I had to say something before the Toeman could forget our arrangement.
“Well, you know, Mr. Toeman, I had to go through a lot to get these things here.” I tested the waters. He didn’t say anything. Just kept eating the bread. “I had to show the baker my butt”, I explained. He immediately turned and walked toward me to hug me. He tried to feed me the bread while hugging me. Then he started to put his hands on my butt. “WAS THIS THE BUTT YOU SHOWED THE BAKER?”, he asked in all seriousness. I just couldn’t lie. I know this was inappropriate but, god damn it, this WAS the butt I showed the baker. “YES! YES! YES!”, I yelled. I was hoping this would show him how badly I wanted to know all the fart secrets. He tried to kiss me, which was weird because it was just a nail trying to touch my face. I had to defuse the situation quickly, “Uhh…Mr. Toeman. I’m straight. I don’t find other men attractive”. “BUT I’M NOT A MAN, MAN! I DON’T HAVE A GENDER! EVERYONE NEEDS A GOOD TOE EVERY ONCE IN A WHILE.”, he retorted. Sorry, it retorted. I tried to make my case by mumbling something. But The Toeman felt my discomfort. I told him I was there only for the fart secrets.
The Toeman just stared at me like I was a madman. “YOU’RE NOT READY, YET! IF YOU WANT THE FART SECRETS, YOU’LL HAVE TO KISS MY NAIL.” he announced. I guess it would take a little more than just bread and milkshake to know the fart secrets.
Read part 3 to know all the fart secrets.