I’ve had a pretty weird day. I think I’m sick. For those who don’t follow this blog, I’m doing the whole ‘365 days of writing’ thing where I write one blog post every day. The past two days I’ve put up two different short stories and it’s kind of making me a little frustrated because barely anyone reads them. Most of my views come from random rants that I put up. And let’s face it, views matter. Attention matters. That’s what the whole social media depends on. It’s just that I’m a little pissed off with people who would read the shittiest stuff that I put up and not the more interesting ones just because I’m not talking about popular things. I come back from work every day with the anxiety about writing a blog post. It’s starting to get on my nerves, to be honest.
I fight with myself everyday. Every single day I decide to quit but something happens at around 11:00 pm and I just write something for whatever it’s worth. Maybe I should stop doing that but that weird sense of failure bothers me. I completed 50 posts yesterday and felt pretty good. I wonder if it’ll be the same if I reach a 100 or 200 or even 365. Because if I’m trying to re-create the same feeling, then I’m not sure it’s worth it. This is my marathon and I’m tired as fuck.
This is the 51st post on this blog. I don’t know if I’m writing for myself or some random strangers validation off the internet. I don’t want it to get to that so I might have to stop doing this soon. I don’t know if I’ll go till 365 but right now, it seems unlikely. I’m very close to quitting at this point in time.